I’m Baaaaacckkk!

Wow.This break was way longer than I had intended to take. The longer I went without writing the longer I was scared to go back. It was sort of like this with the emails. I convinced myself that maybe it was better to just stop writing all together and everyone would forget I even started the blog, than to write and have everyone notice just how long I took to get back to it.

I feel like, lately, I have been bombarded with hard things and sadness. Not in my own life necessarily but all around me. Sometimes I wonder, briefly: Am I the only one who ever feels this way? But then, I have learned that this cannot be true. I can never be the only one who feels a certain way. I find comfort in that truth. It does seem that every time I turn around something else is falling apart and it is all just too sad, or too much. Whether it is death, marriages, friendships, etc. I feel like every week I begin, bracing myself for what is coming next. I even wondered if I should toughen up. I have wondered: Am I too sensitive? I am not convinced that this is the case or what needs to change. When I first started SOS I had a REALLY hard time dealing with the sadness. Hearing people’s struggles and pain everyday can be overwhelming. For whatever reason I thought of Mother Teresa a lot during that time. I wondered how she coped. How was she not completely overcome with sadness for what she saw on a daily basis? I finally went out and picked up a book on MT, “Where There is Love, There is God”. It was the beginning of my love and obsession with Mother T. The book is still one of my favorites on her. I think of it as the book that saved me. I read it in hopes that I would find what made her go on, in faith. What gave her the ability to go on without being overwhelmed with grief and heartbreak?.  When she spoke about the things, similar to what I was seeing or hearing that caused sadness, she always spoke of it as a gift. Everything was a gift or an opportunity. Without these gifts, we as humans wouldn’t be able to love the way God intended. Pretty much, It wasn’t meant to be easy. We aren’t here to live a life without pain. So what is the purpose of pain and sadness? There has to be a reason that it is here. Reading MT, in her own words and writings, made me realize that the sadness, the pain has its purpose. It is an opportunity, an invitation to choose love. This doesn’t mean it is easy. There is a phrase that seems to popular right now “Love Wins”. I see it often on people’s Facebook or on Etsy posters. It seems to be quite the buzz phrase.  When I see someone write on their Facebook post “LOVE WINS” I picture people dancing in heart shaped rain, in a world where everyone loves everyone no matter what. Where feelings aren’t hurt and life is EASY. I picture something like this:


But the reality is, this phrase is deceiving. I have thought a lot about what that means, and the truth is, in fact, it couldn’t be further from easy. For love to “win” means we have to choose love, and not when it is easy to do. In fact, “LOVE WINS” means you have to choose to LOVE when it’s the last freakin thing you want to do. Even just now reading back that last part I wrote doesn’t do justice to how HARD I think love “winning” is. It still sounds too easy. There is something about the word LOVE that makes us all think “AWWW that is so cute (aka: easy)” It’s not. Let’s take an example. Say you were to find out that your dear friend had betrayed everyone close to them. They had lied to you, all of your friends, and most importantly to their spouse and children. They had done this for a looong time. They  made really bad choices and now everything that was good, or sort of good seemed to be ruined. You saw their children in pain, their spouse devastated, and you yourself feeling like you didn’t even know who they were anymore. Everything you thought they were had been not true. This is where Love can win. When we can choose LOVE when it is the last option we want to choose. Sometimes love winning is just saying, “I love you still” because that is all that we have to offer and we literally cannot muster up anything but those words to say. When you have been hurt, furious, wronged, betrayed, or sad is when it matters whether you choose to LOVE or not. Because where there is love, there is GOD. And with the grace of God you are always, winning.  This does not mean that we have to say that the choices were good or ok with us. It does not mean that we are never angry, or hurt, or sad. It does mean though that with all those things present, love will be the one that wins. Although I would like to think that love winning meant I could live in a world of heart shaped rain, it does not. And if we believe that loving is only easy it won’t win. It is the furthest thing from easy that I have ever done. We aren’t here to live easy lives, pain and sadness, and the hard parts are opportunities for us to choose to love. So let “Love Win” but don’t ever think that it will be easy, it was never meant to be easy. 

I will leave you with a quote by Theodore Roosevelt.

“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life….”




PS Don’t envy the easy things, anyone can do easy. Envy the things that are hard as sh*t. 🙂

7 thoughts on “I’m Baaaaacckkk!

  1. I have been waiting (im)patiently for this post for weeks. SO happy to know you decided to “stop writing all together.” You are a very busy woman who holds many jobs. However, I just want you to remember that your writing makes a difference. In more ways than you’ll ever know. Thank you. ❤ ❤

  2. I actually looked last week because I thought, maybe I missed a post in my reader? Not that I’m one to talk since I am not on a regular blog schedule…4th pregnancy/baby will do that to you, you get that 😉 Anyway, keep writing, I’m reading! LOVED this!

  3. Beautiful my friend. This is exactly why you are always “winning” in my book. Thank you for your sweet message and the time to share it! Love you!

  4. I feel your pain, as a writer, mother, friend, and Love-er. This subject has been in my thoughts the last few days very much, how little our culture really seems to know what it means to Love. We’ve got love (lower case l) happening all the time. Love (upper case L) is a different skill entirely. Sending Love to you. Thank you for being brave and writing again. It matters and we will always forgive you for long absences.

    • Ali, I know what you mean. This post doesn’t even touch on the subject of how wrong our modern interpretations are of Romantic Love, which is a whole different frustration for me. Why do we get it so wrong? Miss you XO A

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